WITH JESUS

“And yet let us evermore write over all our miseries, big, and, for the most part very little, these transforming words: “WITH JESUS.” And then the very breath of Heaven will breathe upon our whole being and we shall be glad.” -- Lilias Trotter

As an Old Maid and an expat missionary of some twenty-one years now, I have sometimes (often?) felt alone, lonely, left out, out of step, odd one out, redhaired child, the old shoe, fly in the pie, misunderstood – not only in the eyes of others, but in my own eyes as well! Toss in the soup that I am the insecure second child, a people-pleaser without the proper tools, and you can see why it has been so important to me to know that I am WITH JESUS, and that HE IS WITH ME.

Last summer I attended a healing conference, and the most significant session for me personally was called “sense of being prayer.” For some reason I did not grow up with a secure sense of who I am. The conference speaker said that people like me often “don’t make friends; we take prisoners.” Giving and receiving love is like swinging into the abyss, an image offered by Lilias Trotter of what it means to follow Jesus. Loving is easy for some people, but not so easy for a person whose sense of being is fragmented.

Leanne Payne offers these helpful words: “If I look for me, I will never find me – only my many fragmented selves. But if I look for Him, I will eventually find that the whole of me is united in Jesus.” Hope -- WITH JESUS.

Although I stopped taking prisoners a number of years ago, I went forward for healing prayer; the journey towards wholeness is a lifetime pilgrimage, and it is not only for us, but also for our families, friends and ministries. As we move towards greater wholeness in Christ, we cease to hide ourselves behind Him and instead hide ourselves in Him, becoming one with Him as He is one with the Father (John 15). We all need healing, and we won’t cease to need healing until we see Him face-to-face. I gratefully received healing prayer.

This week I’m attending a training conference given by Servant Partners (www.servantpartners.org). For several years I have been considering affiliating with a mission agency once again. In my early years on the field I served with two different agencies. For eleven years, as LAMB has been birthed and growing, I have not had that missionary fellowship. In many ways I have missed it, but because of certain negative experiences during those early years, I have been anxious about trying again. When I have to make big decisions like this, I come face-to-face again with that fragmented sense of being, the old insecurities wanting to clamor for a voice. And yet this week I have discovered that their voices have weakened, not because I am stronger, but because of healing, obedience and faith, I am all the more certain that I am WITH JESUS.

Yesterday we had a prayer time with a precious couple from Australia named George and Dorothy Mathieson who have a healing prayer ministry. During the group prayer, the Lord spoke to me: “It’s time to make peace with the U. S. missionary community. You can’t do that as an outsider. Come into Servant Partners.” Until that moment, I had not recognized that reconciliation was necessary. I thought I’d “left all that behind me.” But I also recognized that Voice and knew that He was giving me clear direction. Once again I was the lamb who needed the hear the Voice of the Shepherd, and sure enough, He was there. For those of us who follow Jesus wherever He goes, that Voice is Life, and the only road for us is WITH JESUS.

May I encourage you to live your life seeking health and wholeness WITH JESUS? Not behind Jesus or because of Jesus. Not for Jesus or in the Name of Jesus – WITH JESUS. As we walk WITH JESUS, our gladness will bring healing to others who will also long to share in the hope and joy of walking with Him. Amen.