Holy Week Ruminations

During the reading of the Passion on Sunday, I asked myself, "Which one am I?" . . . Judas, with a passionate, righteous treason in his heart; John, leaning on Jesus yet ready to abandon Him in His darkest hour; Peter, confused about the washing of his feet, confused about his own love for the Master; the Pharisees, threatened by a power fueled by humility; Pilate, reluctant to condemn, cowardly in his handwashing; Mary, heartbroken and frightened; the soldiers, completely ignorant of their ignorance . . . Which one? It troubled me to identify myself with any of them, and yet I suspected there was a little of each in my very human soul.

Holy Week is a time of spiritual disturbance, and rightly so. Tonight a little child washed my feet. Young children who didn't understand anything other than the cool water and welcome touch of hands laughed and played, while those of us who have grown into pridefulness and self-awareness shyly took off our shoes and let someone cleanse our feet and dry them. I couldn't help noticing that the water was filthy afterwards.

As we have been preparing for the baptisms on Sunday, we have talked about the symbolism of water. In baptism we are forgiven and cleansed, welcomed into the Body of Christ, christened for service in God's Kingdom. Is the water filthy when we step out? Would it become filthy if I stepped back into it today?

Holy Week ruminations: I am too much like "the worst of these," and much in need of a deeper love for "the least of these." And yet the Messiah has come and set me free from sin and death, from all that is within me that struggles against His will:

Even when their foolish words they turned on him
He did not his disciples send away;
He knew their hearts were foolish, eyes were dim,
And therefore by his side needs must they stay.
Thou wilt not, Lord, send me away from thee.
When I am foolish, make thy cock crow grim;
If that is not enough, turn, Lord, and look on me.

-- George Macdonald

Look on your servant, O Lord, and have mercy. Excise all treachery, treason, cowardice, ignorance and noble, misguided intentions. I will not be sent away, nor do I want to seek the world's safety when the Cross calls. Allow me to die with You so that I might live through You.

And although the water be filthy afterwards, may Your pure, holy Presence be the clearest expression of my love for God and neighbor. Amen.